And so it begins!.

Where do I start? I'll introduce myself first - I'm mum to 9 1/2 month old Scarlett. And at the moment that's it. I am a Mum and feel like that is all I have become. But I'll get onto that later.

This time two years ago I was planning my wedding in St Lucia. The excitement I felt at getting married was unbelievable, it was going to be me and my fiance and no-one else. Perfect bliss. I loved us being on our own and it was a dream come true.

We had met in 1998, loosely dated and then gone our separate ways. He married someone else, which fortunately for me didn't work out, and the rest as they say is history. We decided to start trying for a baby straight away and within 5 months it happened. We were ecstatic and couldn't wait to get to that 13 week scan so that we could tell everyone. All our family were over the moon, as we would have expected, and excitedly awaited the new arrival.

Time passed on (can I just say there is no horrible ending to this tale, it is just my thoughts on pregnancy etc) and at age 34 the pregnancy went as smoothly as it could have. But I was a different story, I had horrendous backache for weeks on end, pelvic girdle pain (which I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy,) very tearful as I I thought I looked awful and sickness for the first 13 weeks.

I can honestly say I absolutely hated being pregnant from start to finish, but it's not the done thing is it? You get the 'looks' off people if you say anything detrimental about pregnancy so I kept quiet bar with my family. But why can't I say I hated it? I understand that a lot of people struggle to get pregnant etc but it doesn't mean that I have to be singing and dancing every step of the way. For about half of the pregnancy I was in that much pain with the pelvic girdle issue that I couldn't turn over in bed, and if I did I woke myself up. So, all this 'get your sleep now before baby comes' was a no go. I was tired, weepy and in pain - how can you enjoy that?

Fair enough the kicks the baby gave me where nice to feel and I liked the fuss I received but other than that I couldn't wait for it to be over and get back to being me. Little did I know that the 'me' pre baby would be gone forever.

So, this time last year I was awaiting the birth - due in January. I spent a sober first wedding anniversary in Edinburgh, which although it was lovely I was absolutely shattered by the end of it. I had wanted to go abroad but due to flight restrictions I couldn't. I started to feel that the pregnancy was stopping me doing things - going out, going on holiday, enjoying myself, wearing nice clothes. All very superficial I know, but when that has been your life since age 16 - holidays/ friends etc it is quite hard to adjust to not being able to please yourself.

My next post will be the lead up to the birth!